GODDESS SPEAK: JANUARY 2019
The above painting is by Gary Mayer. Click on the painting if you'd like to go to his site.
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Hello my darlings,
Blessed be the New Year and let’s kiss/burn/kick 2018 bye-bye. Before I get into what to expect in 2019, I’d like to touch into what was going on in 2018.
2018 was about the hardest of transformations and it was brutal. Scorpio in Jupiter, stronger than any rip tide, pulled you down deep into things you didn’t want to feel and there were days, weeks, even months, when you felt like a chew toy for a big black dog. Transformation is triggered when you feel like pure crap and wonder what exactly is the point. The action of transformation isn’t about fighting/releasing where you are; the action of transformation is about finding right use for your feelings, no matter how ugly. Ugly feelings (anger, rage, jealously, neediness, shame, cowardice, guilt, etc.,) need to be accepted, owned, and honored. Ugly feelings do not create your reality; denying them does.
There’s been so much written about releasing the negative and how to release. Yes, some things do need to be released, but more often than not, it’s about transformation. If you have tried repeatedly to release something, and you end up beating yourself to a pulp because you can’t, it’s because what you’re trying to release needs to be transformed. Everything contains its opposite, not in terms of opposing but in terms of compliment; one without the other is imbalanced. Chop off ugly and the beauty is vacuous. Destroy the night and we’d been burned alive.
For those walking the path of consciousness, the energy of 2018 was exhausting. Healers had to learn boundaries, mystics had to learn to edit information coming from the other side, and the artist’s art was in flux. New Agers began to grok that being “good,” had virtually nothing to do with the events transpiring in their lives and had to face the fact that being more spiritual will not make the world a better place. The world will be a better place if you take the time to get to know and love yourself beyond all reason, become intimate with how economics and rapacious capitalism works, and vote and practice resistance in all your affairs. Refusing to tolerate evil and insanity and make bad compromises in the name of bi-partisanship would also be extraordinarily helpful. Oh dear, I’ve digressed.
Right use of ugly feelings, like right use of any feeling, triggers psychic alchemy, which is the process of transforming festering (and maybe not so festering) shadow wounds into pure gold. What is a shadow wound? A scar to being that was so painful you had to split from the feelings in order to survive. The experience and the feelings slip into shadow, where they continue to fester and grow. Interjects take root and thrive in the wound. An interject is a voice of the culture (parental, societal, religious, etc.) that lives to criticize you – pick, pick, pick. The point is it's not your voice.
Ultimately the wound/interject begins to determine/control your behavior until the wound itself is made conscious. What does making a wound conscious look like?
Well, the other day I woke up older than dirt and twice as mean. I went online, read about some idiot celebrity who’d gotten a book deal for umpteen million dollars and I went nuts. Oh, I was pacing my apartment carrying on, cursing her; cursing the world, cursing publishing, and then I segued into my dead narcissistic mother, my mean ass dead father, getting old, missing my perky bosoms, french kissing, and having pots of money, whereupon I burst into tears and fell on the floor crying.
This is an example of owning where you are. For me it’s very stormy.
“Could you be a little less dramatic, Katie Lou?” I asked myself, out loud. And I answered myself, again out loud. “Why I should I be less dramatic? I live alone; I am intensely engaged with my life, my work, and my friends and I’m feeling like I will never get a book deal or representation and I have no savings and I’m probably going to have to live in a deserted mall when I’m an old woman. Gary Mountain Brook has already staked out the husky boys department at J.C. Penny, Sheila’s still undecided,
and I’m thinking Macy’s house wares.”
That got me giggling, and the worst of the storm was over. Once upon a time, emotional tsunami’s sent me straight to, “Katie Lou you shouldn’t be feeling this way, it’s negative.” I know now that to deny and/or criticize where you are, when you’re there is the worst kind of invalidation and personal abuse.
Taking a deep breath I hauled myself up, went to my magick mirror, and waited for the scared woman child within to show her face. When she did I put my arms around her and sent as much love and compassion into her as I could. I brought her into me and what she told me in all her vulnerability was, “I’ll never be good enough.” I rocked her, loved her, and didn’t try to fix her. I honored her dashed dreams and how powerless she felt to change anything.
And that in a nutshell was 2018; the theme was powerlessness. The wound became conscious in both the micro (individual) and the macro (world). The ground on which so many of us stood was washed away. Inequality came into sharp focus, and the ability to impact our lives felt like it was gone. Daily as I took the needed actions to keep body and soul together, I was grateful I am resourceful as hell. I was grateful I have the best friends in the entire world, but I still had my days when I touched into myself as micro, a reflecting piece of the macro, and nobody should feel like they don’t the ability to impact their lives for the better. Nobody should feel like they have to live within a paradigm determining one’s narrative.
And in entirely too many cases it’s not just a feeling; it’s a reality; a reality that can’t be changed. The question is, if you can’t change a reality, can you accept where you are and make a new one. Are you willing to try? If you're willing then 2019 is going to be a damn good year because the old God, the horned God buried standing, is surfacing and will support you every step of the way. This was revealed to me in a meditation and then the next day I saw this painting and it blew me out of the water. It's called "Surfacing," by Gary Mayer and it's exactly what the God looks like rising up from the waters of the unconscious.
Blessed be the New Year and let’s kiss/burn/kick 2018 bye-bye. Before I get into what to expect in 2019, I’d like to touch into what was going on in 2018.
2018 was about the hardest of transformations and it was brutal. Scorpio in Jupiter, stronger than any rip tide, pulled you down deep into things you didn’t want to feel and there were days, weeks, even months, when you felt like a chew toy for a big black dog. Transformation is triggered when you feel like pure crap and wonder what exactly is the point. The action of transformation isn’t about fighting/releasing where you are; the action of transformation is about finding right use for your feelings, no matter how ugly. Ugly feelings (anger, rage, jealously, neediness, shame, cowardice, guilt, etc.,) need to be accepted, owned, and honored. Ugly feelings do not create your reality; denying them does.
There’s been so much written about releasing the negative and how to release. Yes, some things do need to be released, but more often than not, it’s about transformation. If you have tried repeatedly to release something, and you end up beating yourself to a pulp because you can’t, it’s because what you’re trying to release needs to be transformed. Everything contains its opposite, not in terms of opposing but in terms of compliment; one without the other is imbalanced. Chop off ugly and the beauty is vacuous. Destroy the night and we’d been burned alive.
For those walking the path of consciousness, the energy of 2018 was exhausting. Healers had to learn boundaries, mystics had to learn to edit information coming from the other side, and the artist’s art was in flux. New Agers began to grok that being “good,” had virtually nothing to do with the events transpiring in their lives and had to face the fact that being more spiritual will not make the world a better place. The world will be a better place if you take the time to get to know and love yourself beyond all reason, become intimate with how economics and rapacious capitalism works, and vote and practice resistance in all your affairs. Refusing to tolerate evil and insanity and make bad compromises in the name of bi-partisanship would also be extraordinarily helpful. Oh dear, I’ve digressed.
Right use of ugly feelings, like right use of any feeling, triggers psychic alchemy, which is the process of transforming festering (and maybe not so festering) shadow wounds into pure gold. What is a shadow wound? A scar to being that was so painful you had to split from the feelings in order to survive. The experience and the feelings slip into shadow, where they continue to fester and grow. Interjects take root and thrive in the wound. An interject is a voice of the culture (parental, societal, religious, etc.) that lives to criticize you – pick, pick, pick. The point is it's not your voice.
Ultimately the wound/interject begins to determine/control your behavior until the wound itself is made conscious. What does making a wound conscious look like?
Well, the other day I woke up older than dirt and twice as mean. I went online, read about some idiot celebrity who’d gotten a book deal for umpteen million dollars and I went nuts. Oh, I was pacing my apartment carrying on, cursing her; cursing the world, cursing publishing, and then I segued into my dead narcissistic mother, my mean ass dead father, getting old, missing my perky bosoms, french kissing, and having pots of money, whereupon I burst into tears and fell on the floor crying.
This is an example of owning where you are. For me it’s very stormy.
“Could you be a little less dramatic, Katie Lou?” I asked myself, out loud. And I answered myself, again out loud. “Why I should I be less dramatic? I live alone; I am intensely engaged with my life, my work, and my friends and I’m feeling like I will never get a book deal or representation and I have no savings and I’m probably going to have to live in a deserted mall when I’m an old woman. Gary Mountain Brook has already staked out the husky boys department at J.C. Penny, Sheila’s still undecided,
and I’m thinking Macy’s house wares.”
That got me giggling, and the worst of the storm was over. Once upon a time, emotional tsunami’s sent me straight to, “Katie Lou you shouldn’t be feeling this way, it’s negative.” I know now that to deny and/or criticize where you are, when you’re there is the worst kind of invalidation and personal abuse.
Taking a deep breath I hauled myself up, went to my magick mirror, and waited for the scared woman child within to show her face. When she did I put my arms around her and sent as much love and compassion into her as I could. I brought her into me and what she told me in all her vulnerability was, “I’ll never be good enough.” I rocked her, loved her, and didn’t try to fix her. I honored her dashed dreams and how powerless she felt to change anything.
And that in a nutshell was 2018; the theme was powerlessness. The wound became conscious in both the micro (individual) and the macro (world). The ground on which so many of us stood was washed away. Inequality came into sharp focus, and the ability to impact our lives felt like it was gone. Daily as I took the needed actions to keep body and soul together, I was grateful I am resourceful as hell. I was grateful I have the best friends in the entire world, but I still had my days when I touched into myself as micro, a reflecting piece of the macro, and nobody should feel like they don’t the ability to impact their lives for the better. Nobody should feel like they have to live within a paradigm determining one’s narrative.
And in entirely too many cases it’s not just a feeling; it’s a reality; a reality that can’t be changed. The question is, if you can’t change a reality, can you accept where you are and make a new one. Are you willing to try? If you're willing then 2019 is going to be a damn good year because the old God, the horned God buried standing, is surfacing and will support you every step of the way. This was revealed to me in a meditation and then the next day I saw this painting and it blew me out of the water. It's called "Surfacing," by Gary Mayer and it's exactly what the God looks like rising up from the waters of the unconscious.
The return of the sacred masculine thrills me to no end because it whispers of the vitally important balancing that needs to take place, individually and collectively, between the sacred masculine and the sacred feminine. I’ve watched the feminine redefine and redefine and redefine and now the re-defining of men, by men, for men, begins, through the lens of what they can be. Not what God the father, created by man by man and for man, tells them. It is my fervent wish that the truly wild man is not lost or tamed. Toxic masculinity has nothing to do with the truly wild man. It is also one of my deepest hopes the the tribe of women do not become what they're fighting. The idea of matriarchy, which is simply patriarchy with a vagina, scares the crap out of me.
So what does else does this mean, the Horned God returning? Organic refusal to take root in victimhood and psychotic co-dependency is going to be a theme. Say what you have to say and if they don’t get it, don’t want to get it, act like they get it but are clearly lying through their teeth, let go and move the fuck on. Trust me. It will easy; sans drama, because on the agenda this year is breaking the habit of having to explain and defend yourself to others and from your own interjects. Thank goodness because Jupiter is back in his
natural home of Sagittarius and it's all about expansion and you can't afford to lose time explaining/defending this, that, or the other. Finding tribe and members of your tribe is strongly aspected this year so don't worry about who you lose, because it's making space for who you need.
Great art, creating, creation, fun, humor, love, passion, laughter, grappling with the big themes of religion and government are all ingredients in the mix this year. Think growing down, dropping roots deep as you can. Think being in body. Feel the beauty in body. Everything we experience we experience through the skin.
When you meditate focus on the womb area if you're a woman, on your heart if you're a man. Stay out of the third eye, unless it's a vision quest, and you might want to put that off till February.
Remember, the human contains the humane. Without the human there can be no humane. Religion teaches us that spirit (good) and flesh (bad) are separate. This is a flat-out lie and sets us up to be at war with self from the get go. To honor spirit over flesh is to devalue the human experience. Devalue the human and you destroy the humane. The truth is Spirit and flesh are not opposed, they are lovers; and one without the other is imbalanced. To strengthen the humane you bring the transcendent experience into body. I watch the dawn break over the Mountain Brook, it is part of me.
The actions you take this year are seeding the next three years. Saturday, Jan 5th at 8:28 pm is a new moon and a solar eclipse. The most powerful magick you can do is to write down your most outlandish hopes, dreams, and ideas.
Make it big as you can and if you hear a voice that says, that’s a little much, definitely write it down. This is going to take you right out of your comfort zone, which is exactly where you want to be.
When you’re satisfied and perhaps excruciatingly uncomfortable with what you’ve written down, say the following nine times:
“Even though this feels totally, absolutely impossible,
I honor all my feelings and I am open to it happening.”
Fold the paper and put it under you’re pillow. For the next 9 days every morning when you get up and every night before you got to bed read the paper and say out loud 9 times:
“Even though this feels totally, absolutely impossible,
I honor all my feelings and am absolutely open to it happening.”
On the 10th day, burn the paper and scatter the ashes to the wind.
Happy New Year my darlings.
Live loud, love fierce, and suffer no fools. Kat x0x0x0x00
So what does else does this mean, the Horned God returning? Organic refusal to take root in victimhood and psychotic co-dependency is going to be a theme. Say what you have to say and if they don’t get it, don’t want to get it, act like they get it but are clearly lying through their teeth, let go and move the fuck on. Trust me. It will easy; sans drama, because on the agenda this year is breaking the habit of having to explain and defend yourself to others and from your own interjects. Thank goodness because Jupiter is back in his
natural home of Sagittarius and it's all about expansion and you can't afford to lose time explaining/defending this, that, or the other. Finding tribe and members of your tribe is strongly aspected this year so don't worry about who you lose, because it's making space for who you need.
Great art, creating, creation, fun, humor, love, passion, laughter, grappling with the big themes of religion and government are all ingredients in the mix this year. Think growing down, dropping roots deep as you can. Think being in body. Feel the beauty in body. Everything we experience we experience through the skin.
When you meditate focus on the womb area if you're a woman, on your heart if you're a man. Stay out of the third eye, unless it's a vision quest, and you might want to put that off till February.
Remember, the human contains the humane. Without the human there can be no humane. Religion teaches us that spirit (good) and flesh (bad) are separate. This is a flat-out lie and sets us up to be at war with self from the get go. To honor spirit over flesh is to devalue the human experience. Devalue the human and you destroy the humane. The truth is Spirit and flesh are not opposed, they are lovers; and one without the other is imbalanced. To strengthen the humane you bring the transcendent experience into body. I watch the dawn break over the Mountain Brook, it is part of me.
The actions you take this year are seeding the next three years. Saturday, Jan 5th at 8:28 pm is a new moon and a solar eclipse. The most powerful magick you can do is to write down your most outlandish hopes, dreams, and ideas.
Make it big as you can and if you hear a voice that says, that’s a little much, definitely write it down. This is going to take you right out of your comfort zone, which is exactly where you want to be.
When you’re satisfied and perhaps excruciatingly uncomfortable with what you’ve written down, say the following nine times:
“Even though this feels totally, absolutely impossible,
I honor all my feelings and I am open to it happening.”
Fold the paper and put it under you’re pillow. For the next 9 days every morning when you get up and every night before you got to bed read the paper and say out loud 9 times:
“Even though this feels totally, absolutely impossible,
I honor all my feelings and am absolutely open to it happening.”
On the 10th day, burn the paper and scatter the ashes to the wind.
Happy New Year my darlings.
Live loud, love fierce, and suffer no fools. Kat x0x0x0x00
