Blessed Samhain. The Witches New Year. Mercury retrograde in Scorpio – October 31st.
The question of done. All discomfort has right use and it’s not about being a better person, or lessons, or being more spiritual. Discomfort is part of being human. Discomfort takes us into the realm of the humane. The humane action is what love looks like. New Age thinking and quite a few religions and philosophers, propose we transcend the human condition to reach higher consciousness. Transcendence = out of the body. The humane resides in the body. What is the right use of the kill or be killed we carry within? Here’s a clue: the most tender, gentle, loving people know what and how to hate. They control their actions; not their feelings. Snuggle your demons. If you are serious about changing your consciousness, and the consciousness of the planet, open to the humane within and practice treating yourself humanely. Make it habit, make it sure as gravity.
Scorpio Season: The clash of otherness; yours and yours. Alongside the not so pretty is the soul call and the heart’s need for gentle, for kind. Delicious sarcasm. Rich creativity. Deep bliss. Black velvet. Relating and relationship and warmth. Again, the question of done. Who and what enhances your life and makes you feel good all over? Who makes you laugh? Who’s got your back? Mercury = communication; Scorpio = secrets. High probability of sharing uncomfortable secrets; high probability of uncomfortable secrets being revealed. Refuse to judge self through the lens of the past. Staying stuck, holding fast to what is clearly over, is of no benefit and will suck the life out of your dreams. The dreams that are still a little out of reach but, are starting to take form in the ethers. Physical security and anchors is the feeding soil of the dream.
It is Samhain Eve as I write this. The veil is clearly thin because the dead, namely my mother, woke me this morning at 5 am. When I write it was wonderful, it was amazing, it was profound, I feel like an idiot because the words don’t even begin to convey the experience or the movie in my head that turned on. I can say I was wrapped in thick white light, I can say there were angels everywhere, seriously everywhere, just like when she was dying, and I can say we laughed hard, I could see her laughing, smelled her Chanel #5, images of the best of times bled one into the other, there were no frames, just totality. If you fall I’ll leave you, she said, when we got off the plane. I was wearing a white halter mini dress and 3 inch platform sandals. I said, if I fall I’m taking you with me, and we howled. Last time she laughed that hard she had the cancer and we were drunk out of our minds on green crème de mint. I was in comedy group and we did a midnight show every Friday upstairs at Greene Street. I flew down from New York most every Saturday to be with her and I’d do the show to make her laugh. I’d Reiki her to. Anyway the night we were so drunk on green crème do mint, I’d put on my satin peignoir and was doing my Sunny Von Bulow in a coma character.
I miss having a live mother and father. Momma’s here now as I write this, as is my dad, I can smell the Kool cigarettes, he’s still using his cigarette holder. Uncle John, Uncle Bob, Uncle Dusty, drinking martinis and playing gin, and I can’t stop crying the tears that only a woman of a certain age can cry. Grief and loss for whole worlds long gone and never coming back. And I’m not in a place where I want to think about new worlds forming, or even forming a new world. Mind you I was in therapy for over 30 years getting over my family; at the same time, I loved them so much and I never for one minute doubted they loved me. I also never thought I’d ever be able to see the good in how I was raised; I was so focused on the damage that had been done. It was my focus, my experience of the damage, and my willingness to heal that led me to witchcraft and the right therapist. All of the work I’ve done over the years opened the door for what happened this morning.
The Samhain season is about deep feeling; nothing superficial. Deep feeling always lands me, lands anybody, on new ground, and that ground feels good because it’s honest and there’s something familiar about it. That’s because it’s your ground, you’ve had it all along. You want your ground, you live, that’s what you do, and you practice treating self yourself humanely, till it becomes a habit and you do your art or whatever it is that makes you whole. Don’t let anyone take the wonder of being fully alive and fully in body away from you. Don’t let anyone split your being into pieces.
Love beyond all reason. Kat x0x0x0